For Halloween: 16 Bizarrely Terrifying Phobias (That Tumblr Totally Nerfed)

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The term “phobia” once indicated a real aversion due to severe psychological trauma. Then Tumblr came about, and people started using “phobia” as an excuse to avoid stuff that made them feel uncomfortable.

You may be thinking, “wow, you’re kind of judgmental.” To which I say, “no. I’m very judgmental.” I’m very judgmental of people who claim “phobia” when they just need to grow up and learn to deal with things they don’t find pleasant. The reason for this merciless attitude is that I was forced to deal with my greatest fear 24 hours a day for 4 straight months.

My greatest fear was not being in control. I had to grow up fast as a child. The adults in my life were frequently unreliable, by which I mean homeless and/or mentally ill, and not even mentally ill in a funny way. As such, the notion of letting someone else take charge sent waves of revulsion through me. I wasn’t even big on riding as a passenger in cars.

Then, my wife got pregnant with twins while also having a huge fibroid in her uterus. Like, seriously this thing was the size of Jack Black’s head. For months, I had to cope with the knowledge that my wife’s uterus could burst as easily as a water balloon with three volleyballs stuffed into it. You’d think things would get better when she finally delivered, but it got worse: The boys weighed two and three pounds at birth. For 6 weeks, I had to look at my kids that I couldn’t even touch, and just trust their lives to these random NICU nurses. Every morning I had to wake up and deal with the fact that I would be terrified for every minute of that day, and there was absolutely nothing I could do about it.

So I don’t have much sympathy for someone who says stuff like, “I can’t wash dishes, I have a phobia.” Yeah, that one’s in here.

With that in mind, I took a severely critical eye to many of the modern “phobias” I’ve found expressed by Millennials. Most of these are even accompanied by a quote I found on Tumblr.


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