“Polar Vortex” — 3 Ideas on what it really means

3 Ideas on what “Polar Vortex” really means

We have been hearing the warning cry from many reporters that our nation is getting sucked into a “Polar Vortex” however, do we really know what they mean? Sure the temperatures are lower than they have been in some twenty-odd years, but the label seems a bit more threatening that just cold weather. I have some ideas on what they really mean, if you read between the snowflakes.

Just in case you have been living under a tanning bed, I will briefly explain what is occurring in most parts of our country these days.  Headlines like, “Polar Vortex blamed for at least 21 deaths” are news today due to sub-zero weather affecting most of the country. Fox News reported all 50 states reaching freezing points last week and many records are being set across the country. Case in point, my friend (and fellow writer, Katie Greene) had to keep a heating pad with her in her own home, just to function as a slightly thawed human being.

With this in mind, I have a few ideas for what is “really” going on with all the Polar Vortex chatter.

1) Polar bear tornado. If you are like me, you have seen “Sharknado” multiple times and completely understand where I am coming from with this one. If not, simply picture a whirlwind of polar bears hovering over the Midwest. It is like the anti-thesis of the commercials informing us that the polar bear population is dropping- I mean, literally, they are not dropping…they are in the sky swirling. Those havoc-causing cuties.

Polar Bear Vortex









2) Vortex, similar to the matrix that leads us to “Frozen.”
I may seem to be imagining more ties to cinema than to scientific weather phenomenon but I guess that is just where my Disney-friendly brain goes to. I have not seen the new flick, but I would imagine our world is somehow being sucked into a worm-hole and coming out in animated frozen forests. I know my friends and family in Wisconsin would be on board with this- those are the happiest people living in sub-zero temperatures. I think they are already imagining this somehow ending up in an optimistic fairy tale land.


Frozen in the polar vortex







3) Anti-Global Warming campaign:
We have heard the warnings about the atmosphere and I have the sun spots on my forehead to prove it, but could we have been wrong? Could the atmosphere have been playing a game of “psych!” with us and actually created a global cooling campaign while we worried about the heat rising? Some of you may think this is all on the same spectrum and still involved in global warming, but to you I say- learn to read a thermometer! I am only backing candidates who can tell me how to solve Global Cooling in the next campaign.


Lessons from the polar vortex









To paraphrase another bear, “Only you can prevent ridiculous headlines from becoming your reality.”

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