5 Signs He Is Not Worth Your Time!
Girlfriends, we have all been there. We are so good at making the list– weighing the good versus bad about the guy (or girl) we are dating and deciding whole-heartedly the non-existent phone calls are totally worth our time. Really? Why are we surprised when it later blows up in our GD faces- we should have seen it coming after carefully noticing the “good side” has things like “he is nice, sometimes” rather than really admirable traits in our partners.
In honor of this and many conversations I have had with friends throughout the last decade, I decided to put together a quick list of what to notice, pull on your combat booties and run from.
**Please note: When I say “he” it is more of a symbol for significant other- feel free to put in place “she” or “Derrick” or “Jerk-wad.” The theory works the same.
1. He forgets things that are important to you. This is a tricky one because at first it will masquerade as honest-to-goodness forgetfulness. Later, it will make you want to scratch your own eyeballs out. If you have mentioned how much you hate brutal fighting scenes in movies and five years later you still have to politely excuse yourself from the room while he watches it… maybe think about excusing yourself from the relationship.
2. He belittles your opinion. Mr. Always Right has an issue with your opinion on girls wearing skinny jeans that are actually, in fact, tights rather than jeans? That is your prerogative, my friend. If you are so conditioned to being disagreed with, how can you ever feel valued for your thoughts? You are an intelligent being and no one gets to take your thunder away. Listen to Katy Perry’s “Roar” once or twice and then get to steppin!
3. He over-values his presence in your life. If he feels like the sun rose and fell on his arrival, send him to the freaking moon. If you start to notice a lot of “you have changed for the better since I came into your life…” then politely thank your knock-off life counselor and move on!
I remember a time when my brother started dating a pretty girl in high school and within months was wearing clothes she picked out and changing his haircut to match her preference. It is sad to say, but I bet you have been there or know friends who have. We need to remember that we, in our natural state, are what were attractive to begin with- we are not arts and crafts projects! No one should look at you as a work in progress, and we should never see our partners that way.
4. He decreases your ability to be who you were meant to be! This is a major one for me. I remember being little and thinking I would know I met the right person when I felt I could do more with him than on my own. In the series of comedies that I like to think of as past dating experiences I noticed a deep separation with guys who would suck my energy like a vampire versus ones who would motivate me to do more in my 24 hours! Note how you feel when you are around him- do you feel like so much of your energy goes into explaining yourself, fighting, or just doing activities that will only benefit him? You need to live up to your potential and that is not going to happen if someone is standing in the way.
5. You don’t like him. This is not my favorite point but it is probably one that comes up the most often. It is a point that rarely comes up in our good/bad lists because we do not want to admit it. I have committed this sin and many of my friends have. It looks a little like, “Well he has a lot of good points and through time…” STOP! No “through time,” No “maybe he will eventually” or “maybe I will adjust.” Do you like him? NO! See you later sucker; you deserve to be with someone who likes to play video games and smell like coffee 24/7.
At the end of the day, ladies, you are not buying a sweater on sale that you may forget about next season. A relationship can be a dance- at the best times a sassy tango and the worst, a bit like the chicken dance (where we all look foolish but eventually get to laughing about it). One of my favorite motivational mantras is a question you must ask yourself- “Are you running toward or running away from something?” If you are running toward the life you want, strap on your Nikes and spandex; If, however, if you are running away from something (being lonely, nearing 30, feeling left out when your friends have boyfriends), rent a chick flick and date the only person you can always trust to be there when you need her- you.
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