What To Do If You Hate Your Boyfriend’s Friends

Four Guys Playing Video GamesIf you’re stuck in the unfortunate situation of a dating a wonderful guy with some not-so-wonderful friends, you may be wondering what to do if you hate some or all of your boyfriend’s friends.  If you hate all of his friends, I would recommend ending the relationship.  Disliking a few friends can be put down to personality clashes, but disliking all of them means that you’re in trouble.  Particularly true for the young male, your boyfriend is likely to share a lot of traits and behaviors with his closest friends.  If you can’t stand any of his friends, there is likely a large portion of your boyfriend’s personality that you won’t be able to stand, either.

Except in extreme cases (like if one of his friends has come onto you, or hit you), do not force your boyfriend to choose between his friends and you.  On principle,Unhappy Woman in a Blue Blouse the winner of any such decision is usually the person who didn’t ask, as forcing someone to choose on the basis of nothing more than your own personal dislike shows a callous disregard for the other person’s feelings.  Assuming that you’ll be stuck with your boyfriend’s friends for a long time, how, then, should you deal with your feelings of hatred or dislike?

First, you should minimize contact and be polite.  You don’t have to accompany your boyfriend every time that he goes out with his friends.  If you know that he’s going to be hanging out primarily with friends that you don’t like, schedule a Girl’s Night Out with your friends.  He’ll have fun, you’ll have fun, and everyone wins.  Unfortunately, you most likely won’t always be able to use this strategy.  Be honest with your boyfriend that you don’t like Charles or Jimmy.  While he’s unlikely to stop hanging out with Charles or Jimmy entirely just because you don’t them, he may be willing to make plans that include more people than just the friends you dislike, or do something else to ensure that you aren’t miserable the whole time (ie. on a multi-day vacation, take one day out just to spend time with you, ect.)

Next, you should ask yourself why you dislike these particular friends.  Jimmy may just have a really irritating sense of humor, or Charles may have callously dumped your best friend in sixth grade.  There isn’t much that A Woman Hanging Out With Two Menyou can do about either of these situations.  However, you may dislike certain friends because you feel that your boyfriend continually ditches you in order to spend time with them.  (“I told you that we could do something on Friday?  This Friday?  I’m sorry, honey, I forgot, and made plans with John instead.  Maybe next week?”)  If this is the case, it’s best to bring the issue to your boyfriend’s attention.  It’s in his interests to have you not hate his friends, particularly if you hate them because of something that he has done.  If he cares about how you feel, he will try to fix the problem.  Sometimes things may already be too far gone to be fixed, but bringing the issue to light should at least prevent things from deteriorating further.

Remember, you may have very little in common with most of your boyfriend’s friends.   Hanging out with them may therefore sometimes be a bit of a chore.  Don’t be afraid to let your boyfriend have the occasional Boy’s Night Out.  Spending time apart as well as together is beneficial for most couples.  Don’t stress out if you don’t always enjoy hanging out with your boyfriend’s friends, or if you don’t become bosom buddies with all of them.  It’s healthy for both of you to have your own groups of friends in addition to those that you share.

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