Unleashed: The True Story of a Recovering Serial Monogamist


Thoughts on my Love Square

 

Thus far, I’ve written and shared with you my path through my Journey, of how to find out who I am, what works for me, and my search for Mr. Right (as well as Mr. Right Now). Before we get into more juicy, sexy details, I want to share with you some of my thoughts on this little boy mess I’ve gotten myself into.

 

We all know I have my “playdates,” the guys that I can turn to when I have physical needs, but I’ve always been curious about how males think and live their life. That’s where my other guy friends come into play. I swap information with them… I give them insight into women, and in exchange, they give me insight into men.

 

Before I continue, let me refresh your memory as to who everyone is. My love life can be mighty confusing if you can’t keep everyone straight:

 

The Anointed One: We’ve been dating for months, but not exclusively. As much as I’d like, and as much as I’m practically begging (completely out of my character), he won’t have sex with me, though we’ll do everything else. Only 24, he’s the youngest guy I’ve ever dated, and is looking to be in a relationship with me. He’s a nice guy, a real keeper, but there’s something about him that makes me not want to be his official girlfriend.

 

Marine: My sort-of ex. We dated briefly last year, slept together a few times before he decided he wasn’t ready for a relationship and slept with another girl. I care for him deeply, and he is best friends with The Anointed One, but knows Golden Gloves as well. We are still friends, and there’s something that remains between us.

 

Golden Gloves: We met in the dive bar where The Anointed One and I used to go all the time (while I was there with The Anointed One). The night we met, he saw me walk in and was taken aback immediately (I had been dressed to kill for a photo shoot later that night). He pointed me out to Marine, who told him that he and I had dated, that I was a great girl, and basically told GG that he should go for it, and gave him the go-ahead. This was despite the fact that Marine’s best friend, The Anointed One, was sitting only twenty feet away, on the other end of the bar.

 

Now, I know a little about men. I’ve been studying them for years in their native habitat, and I’d like to think that I have them a figured out – a smidge, anyway. But even with all my experience and knowledge, I was confused by my little love square involving Marine, The Anointed One, and Golden Gloves.

 

I had been taught, by my guy friends, that men work around the ideal of loyalty – pure and simple. But based on this, I didn’t understand why Marine had given GG the go-ahead on dating me that night if Marine was best friends with The Anointed One. It seemed like Marine was breaking every guy rule in the book.

 

When I have questions like this and I can’t figure it out logically, I go to one of my male mentors, this time, Captain, an older, married guy who I’ve known for over two decades, and who has known me and all my “escapades.”

 

His response? It was Marine’s doing. Apparently, since Marine knew everyone involved, he had assessed the situation between the interested parties and, due to his loyalty to me and that assessment, Marine gave the go-ahead to Golden Gloves.

 

Captain continued his explanation by asking me a question. “So, being that you hesitate to kiss The Anointed One in front of Marine, and there’s still this thing with Marine, what does that say about The Anointed One?”

 

This question was not exactly what I was expecting. I was expecting Captain to ask what that said about Marine…  but perhaps that’s the difference between men and women and how we view things.

 

Here’s what I discovered. Specifically, right now, with me, it’s all about the passion. It’s about what life has to give me, and that I want to grasp it with both hands. I know this now affirmatively, but looking back, I realize I had actually started down this path with Marine last year.

 

Sometimes you just don’t realize things because you’re in the thick of it, and a fresh pair of eyes gives you a new perspective. Captain made me realize that one of the things I appreciated about Marine was that he came into my life with passion, passion swirled around us for the brief time we were together, and we split just as passionately. Hell, there might even be passion in the future. Like Marine, GG brought out the passion in me as well, and I think Marine could sense that, as well as the fact that The Anointed One has a hang up or three.

 

So when the whole situation in the little local bar went down, rather than loyalty among brothers and a strict adherence to what I know as the Bro Code, it became more like the Rules of Engagement:

 

1. Men, and their logic, are not as complex as they first seem.

2. Men are loyal to their friends (usually guys) – sometimes to a fault.

3. Men assess situations, which may or may not affect their application of the Bro Code.

4. The Rules of Engagement are applied in conjunction with the ideals of loyalty.

 

Since Marine and I have some sort of bond (whatever the hell it is), some sort of imitation “bro code” between us, Marine assessed the situation and figured it’d be better for me to have the choice between The Anointed One and GG. Hence, the go-ahead.

 

Though that made sense in the world of BoyLogic, on some level I am still confused. Between Marine and I, though we don’t talk regularly, there is still something undefinable, intangible, and lingering between us whenever we’re in the same room… But I think too much. I’m a girl (so sue me).

 

Captain told me to stop trying to understand everything, and to just accept it. Perhaps I should respect my elders and just take his advice.

 

In the meantime, as for The Anointed One, Captain has helped me think about him in a more realistic way. The way I figure it is that not sleeping with him ended up being a good thing; it prevented any real emotional attachment and allowed my brain to function at its highest capacity. Also, the boy is almost a decade younger than me, and while he’s generally a decent guy, he’s not a match for me. He doesn’t understand me and what I’m looking for. We’re in completely different places in life.

 

Also, I feel like I’ve downshifted with The Anointed One (Captain calls him a “wet rag”), stalling with the whole Journey thing I’m on. Yes, The Anointed One is sweet and kind and thoughtful, but he’s just not in the same place I’m in right now: emotionally, professionally, intellectually.

 

Amalie Paris

 

**Thanks for following me on Twitter (@amalieparis) – spreadin’ the love, one tweet at a time!


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