Unleashed: The True Story of a Recovering Serial Monogamist


My Soulmate??

IN LOVE

Yesterday my mom and I went to the mall to pick up a gorgeous, winter white sweater coat for me. It was at a Native American store – an authentic one, owned and run by true Native Americans (this is an important piece of information since I dearly value their culture and knowledge of nature). Near the cash register was a small box of stones with spirit animals engraved into them. I dug through that box, looking for a raven, because I wanted to be thoughtful and give it to The Anointed One as a token of my care (if you haven’t guessed, that’s what he is). After a bit of searching, I eventually found one on a necklace and bought two (I’m a raven as well, and it was an cool design). Always curious, I asked the Native Americans behind the counter whether it was good or bad to have the same spirit animal as the guy you’re dating. The guy nodded vaguely, but the lady smiled hugely from ear to ear. I didn’t see why this deserved such a huge grin and asked for further details. Her response? I quote…

 

“It means you found your soulmate.”

 

Um whoa. WHAT?!

 

Now look here… I like The Anointed One and can’t find many things wrong with him but, hell, I’m nowhere near ready for that yet. For whatever reason, I hesitate with him. There’s something that’s holding me back. I’ll spend time with him, I’ll call and text him randomly throughout the day, but I do not want a relationship with the boy. I don’t know the why, I just know what is.

 

There’s something missing, something intangible that I’m craving that he just doesn’t provide me. And I figure that If I don’t want him as a boyfriend, perhaps there’s a reason that I haven’t yet identified. And hell, “soulmate” is a huge leap from boyfriend, and we’re not even there yet.

 

I tried to make light of her response but they looked at me funny. I don’t think I was making much sense or communicating my “objection” (or panic) very well. And the truth may be that it’s not The Anointed One that likes me too much as… It’s me who likes HIM, but even that’s unclear. Like I said, there’s something missing, so the concept of “soulmate” makes me ridiculously uber nervous. I’m sure I’m not ready for that!

 

Either way, there’s no way I’m telling The Anointed One about this soulmate thing. Nope. No way. I don’t need him to get any ideas.

 

I did tell him I would need to get a drink with him on Thursday and that I had a small surprise for him (the necklace). He’s looking forward to it… I hope he likes it. I’m not always so great at gifts.

 

Update: Apparently he liked the necklace, and has been wearing it quite a bit. It’s become somewhat of a talisman for him and only takes it off to shower. I’d like to think he actually likes it and isn’t just wearing it to be nice. Insecurity – be silent! Emotions – be clear!

 

SIGH.

 

Amalie Paris

 

**See you in the twitterverse (@AmalieParis)!


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