A Story About Saying ‘I Love You’


CUTE COUPLE IN LOVE

 

You’re in the back seat with your very first boyfriend.  The mood is set with the moonlight creeping in and the soft music playing in the background. You’ve pushed and dismissed your boyfriend’s idea of sex prior to tonight. Tonight mark’s your six-month anniversary and you think you’re ready… Or are you? You convince yourself that you are completely ready even though unsure thoughts are running around your brain and your heart.  Tonight is the night, though.  It has to be. You are dating a senior and you’re just a measly little sophomore. This makes you cool, right? He is going to move on if you don’t so it just has to happen.

After fumbling and taking one each other’s clothes off, you begin to have sex. Wait, shouldn’t you be calling it making love. You don’t know if it’s love but you kind of like it. You think this is making you two bond and become closer than ever. It hurts, your sad, your happy, you’re in love; you are feeling so many emotions. After 10 minutes of what could possibly be love, he finishes and gets off of you. You stare at one another in complete silence.  Your palms are wet.  Your heart is racing. Your awkward and trying to put your clothes back on.

You think you must – you have to.  You have to love him and he has to love you.
You should tell him.  “I LOVE YOU!” He does that side smile, a little laugh, and continues to put his clothes back on.

 

You repeatedly ask yourself as you’re driving home, ‘Was that the right time?’  Tears streaming down your face; you’re playing all of your favorite sad songs on repeat and just can’t understand what had just happened. How do you know when it’s the right time? Is there ever a right time.  Who is supposed to say it first.  The male? The female?  Let me share my sob stories with you and see if you pity me as much as I pity myself.  Just kidding!  I don’t need sympathy… right now.

One of my OLD favorite phrases that I used to live by is: “I’d rather be in love and get my heart-broken, then never in love at all.’
So, yes.  You guessed it.  I was the girl that was always in love and getting her heart stomped on.  Besides my three first words which were mom, bottle, and dad; I believe love was shoved in there somewhere, too.  It could have very well been my first language. I loved my family, my friends, school teachers, mailmen.  Any person that came into my life I just couldn’t help but love!  It only spiraled downward from there.

In middle school, I loved the boy that sneezed on me. The boy, Charles, that pushed me.  That push was instant love right there.  My first kiss with J on the school bus, yep, you guessed it, love. Love so much that we were bound to get married and have children together. But as I grew older, I realized that was never love. And I don’t think I had really ever experienced it.

Through the course of my dating history, I’ve had four boyfriends. Well, I guess I would only consider two of them to be real.  The first boyfriend I had was my first true love. He was my knight in shining armor. You could say that he was my trial boyfriend for all of the weird feelings you get with a significant other.  There are no regrets.  Only thanks.  I learned so much from him that I wouldn’t take the break up back.  Even break ups help you learn. I said “I love you” first.  Luckily for my self esteem, he said it back.  Not sure if we even meant it but it was definitely said.  We broke up after two years but the relationship was everything I could have asked for.

Saying I love you to the next dummies I dated was by far the worst decision I had made.  Saying those words happened at the most awful time and at the most uncomfortable circumstance. It should have never happened.  Truthfully, these two guys did so much damage after those three little words that I don’t even want to remember it!  On to the next one!

The relationship that I am in now is the one I would like to stay with.  The man I’m with today is my true soul mate. He is my best friend, my comedian, my love, my aide, my shoulder to lean on and my son’s father. I couldn’t have asked for a better man. He has been the first one for so many cliché items that one never realizes. He is the man I appreciate.  The man that does so much for me and our family.  He is making me truly love myself.  With him, I have finally realized what love actually is. He was the first man to say “I love you,” and I think the first guy to truly mean it…

When it comes down to it, there is no right or wrong. There is no right time to say it. There is no plan or no true form. The best love and the best feeling is when you mean it when you say it. What I’ve found through my relationship madness and mistakes that you must always love yourself first.  It sound selfish but if you can’t love yourself then who can you love?


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