Unleashed: The True Story of a Recovering Serial Monogamist

The Talk


Two days ago I stopped in to surprise The Anointed One at his workplace even though we had a scheduled date that night. While I was there, he made overtones and gestures that were definitely indicative of a particularly romantic evening, and being the sometimes clueless girl I am, I only realized later in the day that how significant this evening was to be. And I promptly became a little nervous.


WTF. These nerves are killing me. And to top it all off, he told me to look cute. Oh boy. DEFINITELY a big night planned. This immediately made me wonder if this should be the night I have ‘the Talk’ with him to let him know that I was still not ready for a relationship – that I was extending my Journey for another 4-6 months. I hesitated, but despite my selfish desires, my truthful, thoughtful side won out. I knew I couldn’t let our ‘relationship’ continue without reminding him that I wasn’t serious.


I ended up having the Talk with him. Usually this commitment conversation (or avoidance thereof) is reserved for guys, but hey, it’s the 21st Century, and women need to make sure we have the same control as men, and that we exercise that control! The roles of men and women (with regards to commitment) are more fluid than ever before. Granted, it takes two to tango (and to date), but ladies should not be afraid to share with a guy what we want/need/desire. If we want something, we should go for it.


You get what you demand!


And the harsh corollary: You deserve what you get.


Anyway, after dinner and a movie at his place, he mentioned something or other. I don’t recall what that something was, but it was the A-HA! moment I had been on alert for. So I sucked it up and dove in… AWKWARD!


The beginning of the conversation was very second grade, and it sky-rocketed from there. I really liked him, but simply wasn’t ready for a relationship. I didn’t want to lead him on, and wanted to allow him the freedom to decide what he wanted, to give him as much information as possible going in. It’s been quite a while since I’ve felt like such a sitting duck, so incredibly uncomfortable, self-conscious, tongue-tied, waiting for an answer.


The Anointed One’s response (after what seemed a millennia)? He still wanted to hang out with me but appreciated the honestly, and told me I was making the wise choice in being true to myself.


I pushed it just a little; told him I might not be ready anytime soon… I really didn’t know how I was going to feel. His response: He hadn’t expected a timeline (really?) and that we’d play it by ear.


He did say that I should understand that it’s not really ‘his thing’ to sleep with girls he’s not really “with” (though he didn’t rule it out)… so that was a little warning, I guess… His reasoning was based on the fact that he simply didn’t know what the girl is doing when she’s not with him (good point on his part, and applicable to me at this stage in my life).


Here’s where the Talk got a little confusing, and looking back, I still don’t know exactly what he meant. The Anointed One said that he wasn’t looking for a girl to just sleep with, but he also wasn’t looking for a relationship. BUT if he were, he insisted he’d want it with me. He couldn’t promise he’d wait for me, he wasn’t looking for anyone else, but anyway, “it takes energy to move away” from me, so he couldn’t imagine doing anything else right now.


HUH? Someone got a little defensive.


What it all boiled down to is that his mouth said he was grateful for the honesty, but his body oozed disappointment since it wasn’t what he was hoping for.


Despite the tough and discomfiting conversation, we ended up snuggling all night (and then some). Apparently it hadn’t thrown him off too much. As for me, I truly enjoyed the physical closeness we enjoyed, especially because the relationship sword was off my neck.


Now if I could just get him to remove those wretched boxers!


Amalie Paris


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