Unleashed: The True Story of a Recovering Serial Monogamist

My Men… for now.


My social experiment should prove to be very interesting, provided I can keep it up! I am starting to realize just how much energy this will take (5-hour Energy drinks are now my friend), but I feel I am confident and emotionally prepared.


Each of the men with whom I am spending time is aware that I am not looking for a relationship (up-front conversations about that are mandatory). In ‘manspeak,’ that means I am looking only for a good lay, and in all honesty, they are right. However, it’s not quite that simple. I am not simply looking for a “one-night” stand… I am looking for a maintainable one (should they meet my standards). I will NOT waste my time with someone if he is not a physical match for me. I will NOT waste my time if I cannot have an intelligent conversation with him either (I’m not a dentist – I refuse to pull teeth). I’m a smart girl – if I feel like I’m killing my brain cells communicating with you, it’s over. Additionally, I want to learn from these relationships – the icing is important, but the cake is too.


Thus far, each of my men is fulfilling a different substantive need for me. To help distinguish them, I will give them each a pseudonym (that, and it’s simply unfair to the men to use their real names).


Guy #1: James Earl. A successful 55-year old Black man. I met him last year at a bar on a quiet Friday afternoon when I felt like leaving the office early. He’s a gentleman who knows how to treat a woman (with compliments, anyway). I nicknamed him JE because he emits a certain vibe and maintains a certain authoritative, powerful look. He intrigued me from the outset since he’s different from me, but there are quirks about him that give me pause. I cannot quite put my finger on it but I have learned to listen to my instincts. I may not keep him around very long.


Guy #2: Joe. A longtime friend of mine; we’re talking ten years and more. He’s sweet, extremely protective, and listens to all my problems. He’s been there with me through rough times in the past, never judges me, and just wants to continue being there for me. He’s taller than me, has thick, dark hair, with a similar (and wicked) sense of humor. He’s my FWB (Friend with Benefits, in case you’re unfamiliar with the lingo).


Guy #3: Israeli Daniel. A veritable youngster compared to the other two, only 25. His life experiences are completely different, and he is simply adorable due to his unbounded energy, Jew-fro hair, and constant compliments. They aren’t TOO much though – I have dated guys that are non-stop compliments, and I just want them to shut up. It’s like getting sick on Halloween after eating too much candy. You not only need to stop and vomit, but you don’t even want to look at another piece without throwing it at someone’s head.


Guy #4: Hockey Guy (pronounced Frenchly with a hard ‘G’: “Gee”). He is definitely one of the most fun to date, though he has a big red flag: He’s a good ten years older than me, is divorced, and has two kids. Now, I have actually already dated someone who was ten years older, divorced with two kids, and that situation didn’t end well… Ok – UNDERSTATEMENT OF THE DECADE. It ended in earth-scorching flames – mostly me burning in conflagration and withdrawing into myself (but that’s a whole other story and will never happen again).


But what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger, right? That and revenge, which is a dish best served cold. But I digress; the truth is that Hockey Guy and Asshole are not at all the same person. I have fun with Guy and am not looking for anything serious, so why should I place the blame of Asshole onto him- it’s just not fair. And anyway, Guy is HOT and in super crazy amazing shape. So….


Guy and I have been hanging out, and in fact, shared our first real kiss the other day (after 2-3 dates, longer than I usually have the patience for). It was worth the wait (and yes, I had extra patience because I’m a sucker for hockey players)!!! He is one of the best kissers I have ever had the pleasure of enjoying…(there are a lot of untalented posers out there). Of course now I’m practically vibrating, and foaming at the mouth to hang out with him again.


But not yet. Patience, grasshopper… Tonight is my night with James Earl.


Amalie Paris

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